Thursday, 12 May 2011

The New Treatment V2

So.. Everything is cleaner now and with better flow. I am finding the story very cute and clear, the best combination for small children. I changed my main character's name to Theodore (sorry Phil) and got rid of the Princess of the opposite kingdom. I hope it works now :)

Theodore and the Disease Monsters -Treatment

1 comment:

  1. Theodore is fine - but there's still too much 'telling' in this treatment; go back and thin it out some more; a good tip; don't write in paragraphs - write in pithy, bullet points in which each bullet point must move the story forwards - not keep it still, not repeat info - move it forwards each time.